Yes sir, Yes sir, 8 Bags Full

I'm STILL in the process of moving if you can believe that. I spent the past two days packing up more stuff that I should have packed long ago, and had the movers bring (pantry items, jackets, a crock pot and a stereo, dishes). I also did a lot of vacuuming, and washed one of my blankets about 3 times trying to get all the cat fur off of it.

I dropped off another bagfull of Sunny's clothes to a charity; I wish I could find a place that just GIVES AWAY donated items, rather than sell them. What's that about? The truly needy can't afford to buy clothes, no matter how cheap they're going for...and places like Goodwill aren't really that inexpensive anymore; you can get new clothes at Ross or Burlington Coat Factory for nearly the same price now. So where do the homeless or otherwise destitute go when they need new clothes? I also dropped off a set of mixing bowls, a frying pan, and a box of crayons; I hope they give that to some kid, instead of trying to sell it.

In all, I think I've also thrown away about 8 large trash bags full of useless stuff. It's amazing what we collect. I'm sure some of the things I carried back to Austin were useless too; but sentimental; or items that let me believe someday I will have a nice home of my own, the sort that Sunny and I always dreamed of.

I did find a couple of treasures though. Two books in the bookshelf belonged to Sunny. In one, about self esteem for gay people, Sunny had written comments and highlighted sections throughout. Patti, his ex-wife, had told me before that Sunny had been a completely different person when he was younger. Sunny had also talked about some of his wild and reckless days. I think reading this book was a real turning point for him, because the parts that he notated were about putting a stop to self-deprecating and self-destructive behaviors. He never got over the self-deprecation though; as anyone who reads the comments he left on this blog would see. The other book was "A Return To Love." On his blog, he listed that as the last book he read (although before he died, I know he had also read parts of Bill Clinton and John Kerry's biographies).

I also found a few treasures of my own; things I'd written long, long ago and forgotten. My frame of mind was so different back then. I think I was feeling spiritually abandoned, and definitely was struggling with my sexual identity at the time...although I refer to that in my writings only in the vaguest terms, and sometimes even tried to hide my homosexuality. I'll publish some of those items here in the future.

Oh yeah, I also discovered that we had 5 canisters of powdered chocolate (various brands and flavors), and half a carton of Abuelita Mexican chocolate (which I love). We really didn't drink chocolate very often...I wonder why we had all that? I brought it all with me though. I'm going to get fat(ter) drinking it all.

Peace of Mind

I'm moved in to Tom's mobile home in Austin; sort of. All the big stuff, and much of the little stuff (including Kitty and Patches) is here. I still have some things I need to go back to Houston and either sell or bring.

Luckily, that huge bed that Sunny loved so much, and the huge dresser that came with it, fit. I really wanted that dresser, because the top has a mirror, and six corner shelves along the side of the mirrors for knick-knacks (or small photos). I may even be able to get both night stands to fit. Maybe even 3!

The moving company was great. I used Peace of Mind Movers. I had submitted for a quote, and they were the first to get back with me; the only ones who gave me an estimate outright, and they just seemed to be the friendliest. Everything worked out great. They knew what they were doing, and the owner, John, was one of the movers. They even used mapquest to find my apartment and Tom's place.

The only thing really lacking at Tom's is closet space; so I need to find a way to expand that. Looks like I'll be folding most of my clothes instead of hanging them. The bookshelf fit niftily right outside the computer room; and with some organization, I may even be able to fit the computer desk in here; although Tom is thinking of moving his computer into his room; since his laptop is about dead.

I'm going down to a temp agency to register later today, and will apply at GSD&M too. I'm holding off on applying at news stations as a last resort, and retail as a next to last resort.

I'm so happy just to be in Austin. John seems so unhappy in Houma. I hope he finds his way out of there soon. His music is really good, and he's just a great guy. If Houma is the hell he says it is, he doesn't belong there.

"Life will give you the deadliest stings
Shocking angels out of their wings
As the halos descend into the world below
and the devil knows it makes a good show"
-John "Depechekin" Bordelon

Packing, John, Disposable Cookware, A Big Boy Recliner

I'm sitting here with a whopping headache (probably from allergies). It hurts too much to pack. Packing isn't coming along very well. I'm trying not to combine things I won't need until I have a place of my own, with things that I need or want to use at Tom's.

It's also hard to decide which of Sunny's things to toss out. I found one of his notebooks from work. It has no useful information, but it's one of the few examples I have of his beautiful handwriting. How can I throw that out? Most of our correspondence was via email. Thankfully, I still have a lot of it saved on my old hard drive. I need to burn it to a CD.

My friend John got some bad news yesterday. He found out his grandmother, whom he's been caring for, has been hospitalized. It's only a toe infection, but there's always the chance she could lose it, and there's no telling how she'll react to that. John's afraid she'll become even more dependent on him. Not only could that have an emotional toll on both of them, but it might keep him from spending the time on his music that he needs to. Hopefully it won't. Hopefully this will be a positive turning point in his life, somehow. In any case, he had to rush back to Louisiana, cutting short his Texas trip. Keep him in your prayers, chants, thoughts or what have you.

I'm hungry, and want some oatmeal, but I've already packed up my pots and pans. When will they invent disposable cookware? Yeah, that's all we need littering our landscape and destroying our environment. "Convenience--convenience is a thing to die for."

I had two very different retail experiences this week.

First was CarMax. I had to unload my Buick, which Sunny had been driving. It's in great shape, despite the fact that I crashed it once, and also rear-ended someone. I wasn't sure if it had any frame damage. Luckily it didn't. Anyway, I took it to CarMax, hoping to get at least what I owe for it. Kelly Blue Book's website says the trade in value is only $2,000 or so; and the 3rd party sales price was listed just below what my payoff is. I walked in, and they greeted me right at the door. I introduced myself, and told him I only wanted to sell my car. The Sales rep asked me a few questions about it and then showed me to his office to fill out the information on it. I was impressed that he actually remembered my name to type it into the computer. He went out to mark the car (they use little numbered cones) for the mechanic to check it out. When it was all done (which only took about 30 minutes),he made me an offer of $4,000. I know I may have been able to get more than that from a private person, but I don't have the time and don't want the hassle. The only drawback was that they didn't have a courtesy car, so I have to see if I can get a ride. If not, I guess I'll be taking the 2 hour bus trip home.

The other experience was with Gallery Furniture. It's a huge furniture warehouse in Houston. I bought a big man's recliner from them in July 2003 for Sunny's birthday. It's broken 3 times since then, but I had an at-home repair plan on it. Last week, I called them to come fix it. They told me that Friday was the soonest they could come, but couldn't tell me what time until Thursday. I waited all day Thursday for a call, and they never called...So I called them about 4:30. They said they don't make out the schedules until between 5 and 9. I called them back at ten o'clock, because they still hadn't called. They said the store was closed and everyone in that dept. Had left. They showed up at my door this morning, and the guy said he couldn't fix it, because they didn't have the right part. The part... A bolt that had broken. What B.S.! Anyway, I spent about 30 minutes on the phone with them, and all I got was a $10 refund for the remaining time on my service plan...And one broken chair with a bolt that apparently can't be replaced before Monday.

In sum...sometimes it's the big corporations that are the good guys, and the independent dealers that are the sleezeballs.

Home

I've been in Austin since Friday night. It's been so nice. This is HOME. Green trees everywhere, Town Lake, Barton Springs, Zilker Park. Threadgill's and Chuy's and Kirby Lane. The skyline at night. Fresh air. Good friends.

I brought my friend John down here with me. He has been amazed by it all. We took some really great photos, too. John's from Louisiana, but I found him in Galveston while he was staying with his Aunt. He's a bit nuts (apparently something in that Houma, Louisiana water since all his friends seem nuts too) but he's also intelligent, warm, and creative (goes with nuts?). We've known each other less than a month, and have already grown close. I think that strange finger of God is at work again. Not to make us lovers, like with Tom or Sunny; but so that we can both rise out of the depression and rut we both are in. We were both at a point where we needed to know there was more to life than what we were living. Both had suffered a loss; mine by Sunny's death, and his by the disappearance of his boyfriend. He's had a lover die in his past as well, so he can understand what I'm going through. Who knows where the friendship will go? I never plan relationships, they just take me by storm.

Today, we're taking some furniture from Tom's trailer to the dump, so that I have room for some of mine (which is in better shape). After that, it's off to San Antonio to visit Sunny's grave. They finally put a headstone on it. And then; it's off to Houston again to pack up and move.


And then to find work.

The Last Day

Today was my final day at work. I have been a news producer for the past 7 years or so. In that time, the industry has gone to hell in a handbasket.

First of all, about half of all news producers hired these days hold film and television degrees, not journalism degrees. That trend began some time ago; due to the fact that news channels don't want to pay their off camera employees very much; so they began making producers out of cameramen and video editors.
That's not to say that cameramen and editors can't be good producers. I think I was, for as much as I was permitted to be; but not everyone (even some "journalist") have ethical standards.

Another trend leading news channels in a downward spiral, is their massive dependence on corporate america. At my now former station, we were required to call our station manager before running any story that would negatively reflect upon anyone who bought ads during the news. Our manager claims she would never require us to ignore a story; but she wants to notify advertisers so that they can drop the ads (and get a refund). If that keeps up enough, or if a large enough advertiser threatens to pull their ads permanently... that policy of not asking us to drop a story could easily change.

Except for local stories, most of the information and video that we use comes from corporate entities; particularly CNN (Time Warner) and Fox (Newscorp). And of course both of those have particular political biases; and both are subject to influence of the U.S. government. Fox is often a willing White House bitch. Despite Fox's claims (and many politicians, as well) that CNN leans left; they also are more than willing to "play by the rules" set up by the government regarding what they will and will not reveal.

Political bias is also a problem on the set. Anchors and reporters infuse their own beliefs into stories. A story about the phenomena of husbands "coming out of the closet," turns into a one-sided tale of the wife done wrong. The story about the catholic priest in Italy who tells his congration that condoms are OK, because he sees a rising tide of HIV infections, has the anchor tossing out an unscripted "of course condoms don't prevent AIDS," despite CDC figures showing that they are more than 98% effective. And then; that anchor refuses to correct herself; and the management tells the producer "you'll have to agree to disagree;" because of course, facts aren't really facts at all. In a story about Texas' constitutional ammendment to ban same-sex marriage; that very same anchor deletes all references to the fact that the bill would also outlaw civil unions, and forbid any state or local governmental entity from recognizing even legal same-sex marriages or civil unions performed in other states. Again, she is never asked to tell the whole truth.

The folks watching at home are partially to blame too. Especially those with Nielson meters. Apparently the truth isn't particularly popular with America, either. We producers are blasted for using the word "invasion," regarding the U.S. invasion of Iraq. You get upset when we mention race in descriptions of criminals, so our news director forbids doing so unless we have the fine details to go along with it. Even then, every black-skinned person is an "African American," regardless of whether they are American or not. Even the subject of a news story gets to define how they will be presented. Hurricane Katrina victims are "evacuees," not refugees; even though the displaced victims of every other hurricane and tsunami before that were refugees... whether they had to leave their home country or not. I'm all for English being a living language; but it should be an accurate language as well. And news should be free of politically motivated coloring (or decoloring).

So, that's one big reason for me leaving my job. But, I was planning a move anyway. I have been wanting to move back to Austin ever since Sunny passed away, so now I'm doing it. Now I plunge into job insecurity. I am hoping to land some film work, but it's been years since I've worked in a production office. Even longer since I gripped (which one's a baby mole again?). I just figured that as long as I'm producing half-truths and entertainment, I might as well get paid like an entertainment producer. Hopefully someone is willing to pay me while I relearn the business.

Wish me Luck!