sad discoveries
I went to visit Sunny's grave today. Milton was going with me, and I thought Sunny's father might like to go along with us, and then perhaps go to dinner. I called the number, and got a message that the number had changed. I called the new number, said who I was, and asked for H.A. The man on the other end told me I had the wrong number. I suspect now, it was probably Grady, Sunny's brother-in-law, an ardent homophobe.
Anyway, it took me a while after arriving at Sunny's grave, but I noticed the lot to the left of his mother's grave was fairly new; though a lush carpet of grass had already grown over it. I suspected then what an internet search later confirmed:
H.A. Hansen
HANSENH.A. Hansen entered into rest June 17, 2009 in New Braunfels, Texas at the age of 86. He was born January 4, 1923 in San Antonio to the late Hans Adolph Hansen Sr. & Olga (Grom) Hansen. He was co-owner of Hansen Brothers Rug Cleaner for many years. He was preceded in death by his wife Mamie LaDoye Hansen; son Hans Hansen III, step son Bobby Poer, and step daughter Norma Wynn. Survivors include his daughter Shirley Van Heuverswyn & husband Grady; ten grandchildren; numerous great grandchildren; brother Charles Hansen & wife Pat; sister Barbara Kilian; and a host of other relatives and friends. Visitation will be held from 8:00 a.m. until 1:15 p.m. Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at the funeral home with a graveside service to follow at 1:30 p.m. at Sunset Memorial Park. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Grace Lutheran Church, 504 Avenue E, San Antonio, Texas 78215
I hadn't talked with HA since February or March, so his death was a bit of a suprise. Last I heard, he was healthy and, all told, happy.
What bothered me was not that he had died. He was quite old, after all. What bothered me was that his step-daughter (whose home he was apparently at in New Braunfels), didn't bother to contact me and let me know. I know my phone number was listed on his cell phone. What I fear is that his final days were spent under her holier-than-thou thumb.
Well, in any case, he's at rest now, with his wife and son.
posted by B. Vincent Hernandez @ 9:28 PM
1 Comments:
Bob,
We've all done things in our life that we're not proud of. We all do things that we'd like to take back and do differently. But my mother, in spite of whatever has gone on in the past, was the ONLY one who showed up to help my grandfather when he needed it most. She’s the only one who has consistently been there for him through the years. My mother was the only one who visited him and forced him to go to the doctor when he wouldn’t go for his own sake. She was the only one who took time to take him food. She was the only one to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with him each year. The only one who tried to bring something fun and positive into his life. So, for you - someone who knows nothing about the situation - to insult her by saying that she somehow kept him under her thumb, and to imply that his last days were somehow worse because of her, and to say that she conspired to keep his illness/death a secret from you...it all just sickens me. You’ve taken my Grandfather’s death and somehow made it about you…I don’t think you could be more self-absorbed.
The whole thing was very hard on my mother as you might expect. I'm sure the last person she thought to call was you. More to the point, why is that her responsibility? Did Valerie call you? Did any of the other family members (that you were/are friendly with) call you? Why aren't you angry with them? Why not publicly decry their actions (or inaction)? Why do you place that burden, as well as your anger, on my mother and father? Nevermind…I know the answer.
I know the story behind my grandfather's death. My mother dealt with it. She suffered with him while he was ill. She was the only one who was there for him. I'm sure you can relate to how that must feel. She called all of our family members, but only a few showed up at the funeral. Ain’t it funny how people won’t visit someone in life, but they’ll come to a funeral to visit them in death?
Hate is a funny thing. Gays hate homophobes…yet, they advocate a hate-free environment. It’s ok for you to hate my family for being homophobes, but it’s not ok for them to hate you because of what you are. Don’t you find that ironic?
I’ve never really had anything bad to say about you, Bob…I’ve never met you. We’ve exchanged emails in the past and I never really had a reason to dislike you…until now. I hope you’ll go back, re-read your comments and realize, even after a year and a half, how hateful and spiteful they are.
Please don’t reply to me on this….I’m not interested. And, if you care to forward this to the rest of the family, feel free. I’m past the point of caring. Best of luck Bob. I hope you find what you’re looking for in life.
Brian
Post a Comment
<< Home